Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
