I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
