man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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