the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
