please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
