Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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