He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
