do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
