It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
