Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
