Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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