My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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