when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
