So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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