FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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