i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
