it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
