I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my liver is dry heaving
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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