Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
