It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
