you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize