1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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