i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
3pm strippers are depressing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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