I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize