Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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