Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
