Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
