I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
