smell my finger.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize