How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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