Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
