And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
