is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
