Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
