He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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