I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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