just come out here and I will go home with you...
she looked like the before picture.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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