Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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