a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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