Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
