i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
