so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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