anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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