I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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