He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
