i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
