dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
