The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
