You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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