Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
