But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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