apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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