this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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