I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
