The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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