During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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