And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
