All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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