K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
