it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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