Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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