they need to just BURY HIM!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
