3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
