Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PANTIES FOUND
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
