maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize