I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you inspire me to be a worse person
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
