Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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