Where is the hickey?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
