my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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