And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
