I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
