I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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