The brown eye won't let me do that either.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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