I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
