is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
