Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
