Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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