Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
