So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
