worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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