I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
