I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
