I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
