I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
