I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
