Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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