I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
