Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
