a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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