I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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