no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
