I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
