My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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