I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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