Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
