i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
