Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize