My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize