You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
