If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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