that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
