I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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