According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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