you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
