Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
