Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize